Do you really want cupid hitting the right spot this year?  Then do not mistakenly believe we can read others’ minds or predict behavior, forgetting that the easiest and most reliable path to intimacy is simply to ask our significant other to express their truth. Furthermore, surprises aren’t always as successful as we’d like them to be. They can be overwhelming or out of step with the other person’s idea of the stage of the relationship. Learning to listen and take your favorite one at their word shows respect and maturity. Instead of creating chaos and misunderstanding as projection does, it encourages authenticity and autonomy.

If we truly want to experience the highest level of intimacy on Valentine’s Day, set aside the boring projections and be willing to have fun with the unexpected. Projection does rob us of surprise and fun, so every time our minds begin to weave the predictable narrative we carry around in our minds, we can just cut it short, stay in the present moment and fan the flames. As Valentine’s day approaches, remember, it’s not often that we ponder precisely what we find sexually attractive in our significant other. Usually, human beings are stirred by that mysterious force we call “chemistry” when it comes to desire and love. And yet, learning what characteristics make up chemistry for us is a necessary part of adult sexuality, albeit one we find challenging.

This Valentine’s Day pay attention to how easy it is to just listen to what our partner is saying. We need not project or forecast, just listen and the instructions for true magic might be embedded in their narrative. Every year, people build up Valentine’s Day in their head like it’s going to be this beyond romantic day filled with moments that could literally be their own movie. And then every year, they’re sorely disappointed. And yet, no matter how many times they’re bitterly underwhelmed by the reality of Valentine’s Day, they still think this year is going to be the year.

In my mind, what matters on February 14, and indeed every day of your satisfying relationship, is that you feel loved, respected, cherished and cared about by someone whom you love, respect, cherish and care about. So talk it over with the one you love. Make something happen, together,  that is as personal and loving as your satisfying relationship.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

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